human beings are so weird.

im angry cuz you dont understand me. im angry cuz i read something i shouldnt read. im angry cuz you're kicking a big fuss outta nothing, and blaming everything on me.

im living in my own world. and you're not welcome in it. ive never ventured outta my small lil world. its you who entered it. so shouldnt it be you getting outta it? and not me going back to it? arh.

weird.
i dont jump to conclusions easily. and ive not commented much actually. how many times must i say, my entries are dedicated to EVERYBODY who has once hurt me. not just you. nor you. so stop backstabbing me, you fools. ive got contacts here and there. i know if you are talking behind my back.
all of you says im blaming you / you before i found out the truth. weird. cant you approach me?
im angry. cuz you / you dont understand me. im disappointed, cuz even if im not referring to you / you, you / you thinks im referring to yourself. weird. if you do feel something after reading my entries, this goes to show that you've attempted to ruin my life. simple logic, you see?

and yes. its my life. my game. and my rules.
i set the rules like that, so if you dont wanna follow them, get outta ma life alright.
get a life.

and i do think everybody out there should MUST clarify with me if they have doubts. stop assuming. ASSUME. making an ass out of you and me.

so FRIENDS, do approach me if you have doubts. do approach me if you think we need to talk ( even if we dont need to ) do approach me even if im not referring to you in all my entries.

oh by the way. i think im going into hiatus soon.
people out there have been misinterpreting what im trying to say.
it kinda gets onto my nerves.

some immature bitches have been trying to ruin her life. curse them all. let them burn in hell. pathetic bunch of kiddos. fancy kicking a big fuss out of nothing. mann. stay strong, girlie! nothing will bring you down. nothing will bring me down either! let them realise how immature they were when they grow older. let them laugh at their own stupidity. let them know that you're still alive and kicking! let them know that they failed in attempting to ruin your life! :D
she shall not be named in case her "enemies" start bitching again. hoho. curse them all!

oh yes, sorry, went outta point.
yup, i mentioned that i'll be on a hiatus soon. cuz alot of people have been questioning me if i were referring to them. lol..
quote "like i said above, if you're feeling pissed / guilty / sad / disappointed after reading this entry, this goes to show that you did me wrong. you attempted to ruin my le."
this is what i'll tell everybody. so yea, dont think so much. if you aint sure, come and ask me. dont start discussing about it with your friends. dont start backstabbing me. :D

PEACE out.

haha.
how many times must i tell you people out there.
LEAVE YOUR NAME IF YOU READ MY BLOG.

also,
IF I HAD A GUILTY CONSCIENCE, WOULD I STILL BLOG ABOUT MY DAILY LIFE?
i believe not. so yea, quit putting words into my mouth and misinterpreting whatever ive said / am saying.

ASK ME. okay?
(:

peace out.

woke up at 9.15am yesterday. boohoo. bathed and went over to PJC to look for huiling. decided to ask her and weiwei to accompany me to watch movie too. :D she accompanied me to the CCK polyclinic. boohooo. went to see doctor for my toes. my big toes have been bruised ever since i came back from the mawai camp. and they look like that



super ugly. :( both toes look like that okay.. NO! THATS NOT NAIL POLISH.
so we waited and waited and waited. weiwei came and meet us. he gave me a lollipop! YEAY! :D:D:D while eating the lollipop, a kiddo sitting in front of us started staring at me. lol.. she's darn cute. :D

anyway, went in to see the doctor. he says my toe nail might drop off. BOOHOO. but it might not also, it depends laa. so he gave me painkillers and vitamin Cs.
after that, we went to the pharmacy to get the medicine and get my MC stamped. took 190 to Tangs Plaza. weiwei and me accompanied huiling to Mt Elizabeth Hosp to look for jialing's mum to get her PW stuff. hahaha. after that we walked to cineleisure. ate kobayashi and rot there for quite some time. met an ex-nanhuarian, now in SAJC. forgot what's his name. met hongrui, my primary schoolmate, too! :D:D:D
huiling was so bored that she started doing this



see what happened to the cap? o.o"
went to get movie tickets. we were standing there like statues in front of the screen showing the movie times when huiling told me that an ex-nanhuarian was standing inside the box office. i looked, and realised it was Tay Yew Chye!!! :D:D:D hahaha. watched the wig. FREAKY SHOW!! i requested to sit in the centre. arhahahas. im scared la!! i wasnt looking most of the time. hoho. stupid huiling and weiwei kept on laughing at me. but they were freaked out at some scenes too! :D

after the show, we went to far east and walked around. then we went home!

homeee. :D


today! woke up. and watched Full House VCD. :D:D:D
been watching till now, am still watching. lalalaas.
RAIN IS FREAKING HANDSOME, I LIKE~

okayyy. back to my show. :p

nobody seems apologetic for this entire episode of things happening. i'm definitely not. but it just hurts to be wronged and accused of something which is so not true. it's hilarious how some people like to put words into my mouth. question. how did i exactly change?

from the beginning till now, my stand has always been clear. it's my point of view, so if you disagree with it, it's your problem. i dont really give a damn. (: and i wont influence your stand. so kindly scram and stop trying to make me change my mind.

oh well, besides that, i think its rather childish to make a big fuss outta this matter. it makes outsiders laugh at your foolishness too. your attempt to put me down has failed. your attempt to prove that we're close is succeeding. think about this way, without your "help", we wont be talking as much now. stop making a fool outta yourself.

and no, im not referring to you. nor you. just somebody. stop thinking that you're oh-so-great. i dont give a damn about how you think of me. just return me my innocence. dont accuse me of anything, when in fact, all you give are stupid excuses. this just proves that you're picking on me not cuz ive done anything wrong, but cuz you're just plain jealous of me.

i do feel honoured with you fussing over me. i mean something to you, don't i? i think i ought to say thank you. thank you for showing me that best friends cannot be trusted. im happy with my life the way it is. time will prove to everybody who's right and wrong. and i believe my decision is right. one day, every single person around you will wave goodbye to you, and you'll be all alone. you'll understand someday that it's a vicious cycle - that's when retribution befalls on you. all the best, my friend. i did all that i could. i did not escape, am not, and will not. feel free to approach me if you have doubts.

and to people out there. stop assuming that im referring to you. no offence, but i dont really give a damn about you. if you're feeling pissed, or guilty after reading this entry, this goes to prove that you did me wrong. as for what exactly you did, you yourself know best.

it's not like ive not done anything wrong to disappoint anybody. nobody in this world is infallible. i dont blame you. so please, stop putting the blame on me when in fact, you're the one at fault. im not perfect, neither are you. so if you really dislike me, just scram. stop resorting to all sorts of despicable means to bring me down / backstab me.

like i said above, if you're feeling pissed / guilty / sad / disappointed after reading this entry, this goes to show that you did me wrong. you attempted to ruin my life.

but obviously, you failed. cuz im still alive and kicking, and loving every moment of my life with my family, my dog, my precious baby and friends who really care.
i admit i was in a state of depression but i thought to myself, why should i let you succeed? i ought to prove you wrong, and i think i did.

(:
im blogging - to record every single moment of my life. i do not escape from errors nor the harsh reality. i believe in my stand. i believe in myself.

my table during mealtime! on the left - peiwei, clement, kenneth and james. on the right - me, ben, jinjie and CK.



fellow Tara mates! left row - junru, sharon, amanda, jessie (my SGL-in-charge), alekx, rebecca. right row - jeremy, wayne, huinee, felicia. the one in the centre is weng!



teamTARA at female sleeping quarters! left to right.
1st row - junru, sharon, huinee, felicia, me and peiwen.
2nd row - amanda, rebecca, weng, alekx, jinjie and kenneth.
3rd row - james, CK, jeremy, wayne, ben and clement!


<3<3 TEAM TARA ROCKS!

day 3

woke up at 6.30am. :D didnt bath, cuz had experience of freezing cold bath. haha. went for breakfast - Kampung Styled Mee Goreng! :D:D:D damn nice! teamTARA went for swampforest walk. :D:D:D but i didnt go again, cuz i had rashes after the trekking. lol. amanda, rebecca and weng didnt go too. amanda had rashes, rebecca had flu and weng had bruise cuz she was hit by falling rocks too. so we stayed and watch teamZENIR play obstacle course. peien and shing's group. haha. took loads of pics.



that's the sink in the "toilet". that's amanda, by the way.



that's the uber low toilet bowl.



see the showerhead on top of the toilet bowl? yea. we bath and pee and poo in the same "cubicle". actually, the doors arent even doors. cant even close properly..



that's what you see when you stand at the sinks in the toilet. the toilet is uber open laa.. haha.. that's the sleeping quarters of the SGLs. KAMPUNG!! :D:D:D



this is the campfire site.



that's one of the signs of the obstacle course.



one of the obstacles, Sideli Catwalk. see what i meant by falling into the water? LOL!



hahaha. the catwalk flipped! not easy leh!!



toughest obstacle. only a few people made through this. lol. i forgot the name of this.



that guy just fell, see what i mean by the toughest obstacle?



that's my battlescar! lol. faded already. cuz i took photo only today.



lyehuat and me! he was from my orientation group.


1f05!! :D clockwise from left. jinjie, ben, jeremy, shing, me, sandy and peien.



brighter picture. clockwise from left. shing, jeremy, jinjie, ben, me, peien and sandy.



sandy, me and peien! at sleeping quarters.



peien and me. ( taken on first day of camp)


okayy! so after lunch was area cleaning. teamTARA was the best team!! haha. so we got to choose what we wanna do. we did toilet washing. damn easy. lol
then came back to spore. some stuff happened on the way back. sighhs.

came back. SGLs scolded us like there was no tomorrow. sigghhhs. its really bad la. so many of us feel that even with passion for GL, it would all have been gone with all the unreasonable scoldings. horrible.! arghhs!
its bad la. msged englong and huiling when i came back. hoho. weiwei msged me! amazingly. lol. shared cab home with ben and sandy! hoho. our bags damn heavy. and we were aching all over!!!! :(

bad. bad. bad. coming back to singapore means having to face everything again. luckily i still have people standing by me. i'll not give up. that's about it. byebye.



buddy, peiwei, and me on bus back to spore



me! in shing's cap!

day 2

woke up at 6.30am. bathed. FREEZING!! packed backpack for mountain climbing later in the noon. :D
went for breakfast! :D:D:D ate fried beehoon - spicy one again.
then they gave us our packed lunch which is to be eaten on the summit of Mt Panti. :D then we set off! took boat over to the opposite shore. then took bus to the village near Mt Panti. walked to the tour guide's house. woohoo. damn far. then we walked to Mt Panti. trekked and trekked. at first it was okay, cuz the trail is almost flat. but it only lasted for 1hour. :( then came the tough part. the trail grew steeper and steeper. till it was 70^o steep. the route lasted for over 3 hours. damn tiring!!



these photos are not of the steepest part of the mountain, cuz its impossible for photos to be taken. so you can imagine how steep it is! haha. so we climbed and climbed and climbed.

till we reach the summit!







darn pretty right!! hoho. ate lunch. :D and took photos, but i dont have them now.

YEAY! then we climbed down the summit. it was worse than climbing up! cuz it rained. and some idiot kicked stones from the top of the mountain and it hit me! arghs! and i slipped thrice!! darn it. cuz my legs were really darn tired already. sobbs.
finally reached the village after 3 hours. hoho. was already collapsing. :( said loads of cheers!!! <3
oh yarh, Mt Panti look like this from far far away,



and the river at Eco Camp looks like this in the evening,



hahaha. went back bathed and had dinner. spicy food again! then teamTARA practised for our campfire item! woohoo! haha. put up a skit!
had campfire at around 8pm! wee! teamTARA rocks!!!
had this dressing-up competition. we were given trash bags, balloons and masking tapes. first theme was XMen. wayne acted as Storm. LOL! damn gay! he had big boobs! :p but he lost :( second theme was Power Rangers. instead of acting as the main characters, we decided to act as monsters. and they made me act as a cute bunny monster!! gosh. but for my round, i won! YEAY! third was Pokemon. jeremy acted as Ash. hahaha. damn alike la. but he lost too. then lastly was acting as wedding! felicia and kenneth acted as the corpse bride. and this time, it has to be cross dress. so kenneth acted as the corpse bride. and felicia acted as the bride. wooohoo! we made props too. acted a skit too! the part where the guy finally said his words but put the ring on the corpse bride instead. :D:D:D the SGLs made the vice-chairman, Ron, who's also from teamTARA to be the judge. haha. TARA won! but not cuz we pulled strings. cuz we put in effort to put up a skit and make props! ROCKS! :D:D:D
did the friendship dance. haha. SGL Ah Tan paired with me. lol. then we danced around! paired with sharon, amanda, huinee etc! :D:D:D
then we went to sleep!! at 12+am. LOL.
LOVELOVE! TARA ROCKS!!

im here to update about the camp.

day1
reached school at 7.00am in the morning. waited and waited till the SGLs told us to gather. grouped us. im in teamTARA (: SGLs gave us our red camp tee shirt. :D
took coach to malaysia. sat in the same one as teamZENIR. the guys of teamTARA sat with teamVELDA. longgg trip to mawai lama.
reached. was really amazed. shocked. you name it. haha. had to walk a short distance to the mini-jetty. took a boat over to the opposite "island" where the campsite is situated at. Mawai Eco Campsite is darn cool. lol. total kampung! :D:D:D i'll post the photos later.
went to our sleeping quarters and i was shocked. the sleeping quarters look like this,


(took this on the last day of camp, that explains the towels)

yea, those are our "beds". one "bed" will look like this,



this is my bed. i slept on the first bed. hahaha. yea, so we were totally stunned. then we gathered again at the SGLs' sleeping quarters. they taught us how to tie the canvas. :D so the beds look like this after putting on the canvas,



(taken on last day of camp too, so the towels are still there. but before we took the canvas out)



my bed!
so yup, we took a boat back to the opposite shore and went for a Historical Walk. visited bunkers once occupied by Australian soldiers during World War II. darn cool! there're words carved inside. quite scary actually. hahaha.
came back and played dirty water games. obstacle course. this is a different kind of obstacle course cuz once you fall, you fall in muddy water. remember? that camp is situated right on a swamp. the camp is fully made out of materials taken from the nearby forests ( the camp is surrounded by forests, in fact ) but i couldnt play the games cuz ive got sensitive skin. rashes pop out once i get uber dirty. :( so teamTARA played while i sat aside with the SGLs. haha. woah, its darn funny la. seeing people fall into the water with a loud "Thud!" lol x:
then came the wash-up time. YEAY~ bathed! froze to death lar. there's no heater there, luckily there's still a showerhead. and a mini-toiletbowl. LOL. pictures will be up later.
went to the Hall and ate. said tick-tock cheer. woah. the food is alright la. but spicy!
after that was the nice part! teamTARA went for firefly cruise! we took a boat and went down the river. DAMN PRETTY! imagine la, all the trees were glowing cuz there were fireflies all around!! woots! but if only it wasnt a full moon night, it would definitely be much prettier. :(
listened to facts about fireflies. and ghost story. lol. freaky~
went back and had supper! then we slept! YEAYY! :D:D:D

just came back from mawai LSCT leadership training camp. teamTARA (: when i was there, i kept wishing i was in Singapore. now that im back, i'd rather go back there.
blogging. is about typing down your own comments. YOUR opinions.
but people ALWAYS misunderstand what i write. if you dont understand what im writing, come ask me, dont talk behind my back.

loads of things to write about the camp.
about many many things.

but there's something i need to say. i benefitted from the camp - i learnt to be more tolerant about many things.

when we went back to Ngee Ann Poly from Malaysia, SGLs punished us and stuff. and they kept "shooting" us.

now now.

the point is, i am tolerant.
BUT.
I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY ATTEMPTS OF PEOPLE TRYING TO SPOIL MY REPUTATION / TRYING TO BRING ME DOWN.

I WILL NOT.

grow up alright.

i'll blog again tomorrow.


TO THOSE WHO READ MY BLOG.
FREAKING TAG MY BLOG.
STOP SPYING ON ME. IF YOU READ, AND YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, TAG!
OR SMS ME.
DO NOT PUT WORDS INTO MY MOUTH.
IM STRAIGHTFOWARD, YOU KNOW IT.


AND I DONT LIKE YOU!
I DONT LIKE COMMANDO MOSQUITOES.

ARGH.
I HATE THE WORLD.
except some people la -- ngDADDY.kohMUMMY.ngTINGTING.ngPOMMY.angBOYFRIEND.
and those who UNDERSTANDS me.
and TRUST me.
those who dont MALIGN me.

QII'S LEAVING FOR MALAYSIA TMR.
GL TRAINING CAMP.

im scared.
cuz this is e first time im going overseas. yea.
ive only went overseas when i was a baby.
my dad's always busy at work, you see.


sighs. im gonna miss pommy alot. and my family. and englong! :(

mixed feelings.

was readin' michelle tan's blog. and the 1st paragraph made me recall the times i spent crying and inflicting pain on myself.
i was damn emotional last time. crying at the slightest bit of things. i may seem strong, but im not. i may look happy, but im not.
yes, like any other teen, i did experience problems in my studies, friendship and relationship. it's stupid, i know. i remember there was this period of time in my life, i was so down. i cried almost everyday. and i cut myself too, under the influence of the friends whom i wont name here. seeing the friends inflict pain on themselves when they were upset, i cut myself unknowingly. it was like, when one smokes, they forget all their troubles. the pain i felt while cutting myself made me forget my emotional hurt. it was useful for that few seconds, but when i got used to the pain, i thought of my troubles again.

self-mutilation's a stupid way of escaping from reality. cuz when scars form, you start to think of why did you cut yourself. and the cycle starts all over again. and i do know some of the friends still continue cutting themselves.

makin' a mistake isnt a big deal. just admit to it and people will naturally accept you. be brave.
being accused of doing something you never did may be a bad thing. you may be damn pissed and upset. but at the end of the day, you just have to prove to the others you never did so.

if you want others to trust you, you must first have confidence in yourself.
if you want to win others, you must first conquer youself.

trust.
trust that the people around you will support you no matter what happens.
trust that they will always be with you.
even if they betrayed you, never stop trusting that someone worthy of your love and concern will appear.

just some random thoughts written above.
may not sound right, but i did my best.
its never easy to pen down what you feel.

tadaadaaadDaadaa.
ttaadOooddooOddoo.

you crushed my hopes.
you ruined my life.
you act as though nothing happened.
and walked away from me.

you backstabbed me.
you accused me of changing.
you took me for granted.
but you never seemed so in front of others.

you told me things no one knew.
you made me feel important.
you betrayed my trust
cuz of the word jealousy.

you took me away from him.
leaving him with only a lonely soul.
i hated him,
i thought you did too.

you betrayed me.
betrayed my trust.
and went back to him.
you said i changed.

who was the one who changed.
i disliked him from the start.
you did too, you were the one
who led me to hating him

suddenly, you abandoned me.
left me aside.
ostracized me.
as though i was a nobody.

then again, i thought.
this isnt the first time this is happening.
i know you like the back of my hands, i thought.
stop acting as though nothing happened, will you.

for goodness sake, come to your senses.
you've been acting like you're oh-so-nice in front of everybody
arent you afraid of retribution
i was once like you, so i dont blame you

now, retribution befalls on me.
im facing what he used to face
im playin' along with you
i want others to know how evil you are

its a vicious cycle.
none of us can escape from it.
you'll face it someday.
im sure.


dOoodoooodOoodooo~

im still sane.
dont worry.

Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff.
You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas.
However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog.

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

this is true, yet not so true. arhh. i miss xiaolong. :(

curse the MBMs.

if i had a guilty conscience, would i still type everything in my blog?

MBMs. (:

YEAY.
i FINALLY met up with huiling after 25942738969 years of missin' her. lol. its silly, actually. she msged me on msn yesterday all of a sudden askin' me to go shopping with her. and i agreed! lol.
met her at bugis at 2.30pm but i was late cuz i couldnt find my key! and i was locked inside the house! how sad. sorry huiling.
heh. we walked around lookin' for NICEEE clothes. but couldnt find any. so sad.
ended up spending money on FOOD. sinful, but i likee! haha. i bought takopachi for lunch. and toriQ! she bought takopachi too. and we shared a LARGE lemon-lime juice from macdonalds. saw qiushi anddd her friend - ive no idea whats her name. x:

after rotting for hours, she had to leave to meet her parents in town. hoho. and i went to city hall to wait for englong. supposed to meet him at 6.45pm but i was uber early. :D walked around city link. went to MPH to look for books to buy, but couldnt find anything that interests me. boo. went to Ya Kun Kaya Toast at raffles city shoppin' centre and bought a cup of milo. sat in the shop and read the book i borrowed from e library. then englong camee. :D
walked around with him. looked at CDs and notebooks. arhhas.
then we went to pizza hut! YEAY! :p he's like, totally pamper-ing me laa. boo. :( but i likee! x:

both of us got the pasta delight set. chic n shrooms. hoho. and calamari rings. he changed his drink to some kuku lemon-kiwi fizz.

let me tell you all something. DONT EVER GO TO SUNTEC'S PIZZA HUT.
their service sucks! they're damn RUDE! and they let their customers stand like idiot there for like 5 minutes before anyone bothers to walk towards them. crapp. some waiters just walk past the customers like nobody's business. and they dont even have freakin MAYO! englong asked for mayo for twice! but they took like, twenty minutes before someone came and told us that "THERE IS NO MAYO" crapp. and. their soup is damn diluted. their pasta neapolitan sauce is damn diluted too. their fizz drink tastes just like soda water. their calamari rings are cold. and starchy. ewwwww. :(

okok. enough of complainin'.
after dinner, we went to the fountain of wealth and sat there for quite some time. talked a lil. (: i really cherish these quiet moments i can have with him.


ILOVEHIM~ :D:D:D

i so miss hangin' out with 6677. :(
andd. im still pissed with chinkuan. grr. insensitive. childish. immature.

YEAY.
i passed all my modules.

i'll strive hard next sem onwards.
I PROMISE.

okay, i got bored at home. so this was what happened..

i started tying plaits!


right side! hoho


back view. hahaha. ma sis took this for me.

and then, i got bored taking pictures of myself. and i was too pretty cute for the phone camera. LOL.
soo. i turned to pommy, and i got this -->


"woof! why you take ma picture?? stunnedd! you better not upload this! GRRR.."

arh. beg me la. x:


"SMILEEE! woof. this is much better. UPLOAD THIS ALRIGHT"

ARH. whatever laaa~


LOL. crazy qii.


this is e crazy grasshopper which hopped into ma house. and its DEADDD. hahaaa. mum sprayed baygon at it. she was freaked out and started spraying baygon at it like nobody's business. LOL.


andd! this is e pair of slippers charissa, wenbing, michelle and rena gave me as birthday present. andddd, chari posted it to me only today. LOL. i was stunned. but its prettyyyyy!

:D
im off.

OUCH.
reality sucks.

i was surfing friendster, and i realised many of my friends are schooling at Trinity College, Melbourne. and i suddenly had the urge to study overseas. YES, I MUST BE MAD.
i searched for courses. universities. course fees.
and OUCH.
it costs ALOT to study overseas. the course fees alone is enough to kill my parents. let alone with the addition of accomodation, books, blah blah blah.

then i told myself "wake up. your parents arent rich."

OUCH.

so i search for courses available in NUS. yes, NUS. dream school of many people. and i realised, im at a disadvantage cuz they accept mostly A level students. which means i must do VERY VERY well in poly.
damn, NUS doesn't offer a degree in Biotechnology. overseas universities have that degree!
OUCH, again.

andd i realised again, my results are considered as VERY POOR for a year ONE, semester ONE student.
double OUCH.



sighs.


REALITY.
DREAMS.


wake up, yuqi.

OUCH.

got this from adam's blog..





sighhs. dont ask me what happened. :,(

adeline ; yuqi
15/o8/1988
ngee ann poly ; biotech
attached - since oh one oh nine oh four

good food. music. teevee. englong.