my family seems to be having some crisis now. hopefully we'll tide over it. it really troubles me alot, but i cant tell anybody about it 'cept englong, cuz it's reaaaaally personal. it freaks me out. it makes me think of things ive never thought of. it makes me feel like, its time for me to grow up and stop hanging out with hypocrites whom dont appreciate me at all, cuz they really are a waste of my time, and effort.
oh, and of course, it makes me think of who were the ones who were really there regardless of what happened, maybe because we arent too close, but well, they accept me for who i am.

as i was writing a postcard to anita, i thought of how long we've know each other. ive known her since.. was it primary 2? haha. i just know we were in the same primary school. stupidly joined the wrong cca in primary school, but ended up loving it and grew up with it till the end of our secondary school lives. went to the same secondary school - nan hua sec - together cuz the then nh-band conductor was the husband of our primary school band conductor. lol.. entering the same section together - trombone. having loads of fun together, pontanning band practices, having an hour breaks instead of the given 15 minutes break. whahas. it was all so fun then. but now that we're in different schools. we've really drifted apart. oh! did i mentioned that we always live so near each other, for like, the past 18 years of our lives?! in primary school, she lived at blk 129, me? at blk 126, but in fact the 2 blks were right next to each other. now, she's living in blk 180, and me, in blk 176, with only one stupid multistorey carpark between the 2 blks. lol. you're fated to be stuck with me! =D

and then, there was sherrie. whom i met when i was in primary 5. became the best of friends, and did almost everything tog. she brought me out to town to meet other people, like adam, sherman, junwei, blahblahblah. she was so street smart, and i absolutely adore this then best friend of mine. but after getting into secondary school, somehow, i seem to change, in her opinion. bickered abt some stuff which i thought was quite dumb, and i didnt really intended to do so that time. oh well, she's leading her own happy life now. so who am i to comment anything else? the period of time which we spent tog was really, memorable, i would say. and it would forever be kept in my heart.

in secondary school, i met 3 wonderful girls - charissa, wenbing and michelle. we were so damn close. forming a clique. dreamz. i remember we quarrelled abt some stuff, we were so immatured, then!! i think we're really different, though. haha. but i absolutely love them. actually, wenbing and i werent very close, but well, we're still good friends, right? oh, not forgetting yewchye! ive always thought of him as a good friend, but it seems to me that i may not be so to him.. haha.. oh well..

ahh. rena chan. i didnt forget you! haha. bandbandband! trombone~ xiaochun, jane, derek. 1st generation. lol. then was yingxiu and bob - still remember how we hated bob for being such a showoff? =p and the 2 cultural potpourri! the staircase monster. LOL~ x: oh. and the junior councellor, bernice, what was her nickname ah? hahah. the luo han! and steven! lol. he's like so lame and sarcastic lor. he taught us all the suan-ing skills. lol.

then in secondary 3 and 4, had this 7788 clique. oh gosh, we were so immature then la. fighting over studies also can kick people outta the clique. -.-" then became 6677. oh well, everything was fine at first, but since then, people started to change. i couldnt stand the way some of them are, and i doubt they could stand me too. =p so yea, ended up breaking up.

BUT! i still have li huiling! who would have thought that we would be good friends now?! all the rotting sessions. gossiping sessions. and the heart-to-heart sessions. hoho. she loves me la. HAHAHA. i gave her my first time! staying over at someone else's house (besides my relatives' la) remember the night i stayed over at her house - we were chatting abt .. erhems .. on her brother's bed, with the teevee on showing some lao kok kok show. LOL. but we fell asleep in the end! hahaha.

and neo weiwei! although we dont talk often, you're still a good friend to me! :D love suaning you~~~ =D=D=D

nonono, its not the end of the list yet! uh huh. yanyi! i'll never forget her! she knows me so well, that sometimes i feel guilty not being able to know her as well as she knows me. cheem? ya, i thought so too. lol. but i loveee her. really. =D

cindycindy! TONS of misunderstandings happened bw us. but im glad its all OVER! haha. you know i love you, right?

BENEDICT! oh yes. haha. my bestest guy friend ever. there's sth bw the two of us which makes me feel very comfortable when im around him / talking to him. he speaks right to my heart. haha, even though we dont talk to each other very often. but have you ever heard of this quote? "the best friend you can have, is one whom you can sit at the porch for a very long time without saying a single word, but still feel like it was the best talk ever." sth lidat. haha. we knew each other through IRC. met each other once before only. but talked to each other since i was secondary 2.. that's 4 frigging years of friendship with someone ive never hung out with! amazing, right?

samuel kong. we arent very close, but we knew each other for a long long time too. haha. just so happens that i usually advice him quite alot on his rship. oh well~ and after knowing him for 4 years, i finally received my first present from him on my birthday last year. lol. we knew each other even before secondary school life started from me. cuz suxian went to tell her cousin, william, that im pretty. LIKE. DUHHH. im not la. i think they ended up being very disappointed. hahahaha. x: WHO CARES. i bet samuel still loves me as much (as a friend la.) you better say yes to this. lol.

how can i forget my love? Mr Ang Eng Long. he's like, the sweetest guy ever. always acting like he doesnt care, but always melting me with the sweetest thing he can ever do. it may be a small matter to you guys out there, but i love it. haha. pampering me to the core. bringing me to eat good food. teasing me cuz im fat, but still loving me all the same (and still continue to feed me with good food o.o") trying to buy every single affordable thing i like. tolerating my mood swings. reprimanding me when i eat prawn/seafood and end up getting the runs. lol. cooking fried rice for me when im hungry (used to! now he's too busy to!) making jelly with strawberry and mango in them just cuz i felt like eating it (and getting scolded by his aunties cuz strawberry is expensive) whahass. i LOVE him. =D

i will never be upset for too long, for i know, all of you will be there for me, somehow.

i bottle up my feelings and when the burden is finally too large for me to handle, i break down and cry like there's no tomorrow. at that very moment, i give up on my life, hoping to end it, but ive no courage to. i dont wanna leave this world like that. cuz i still have my family. i still have friends who care. and ive a guy who loves me the way i am.

thank you guys. thank you very much.

hopefully, everything will be fine once again. (:

adeline ; yuqi
15/o8/1988
ngee ann poly ; biotech
attached - since oh one oh nine oh four

good food. music. teevee. englong.